Go Fish Ministries is a non-profit evangelical ministry, which seeks to aid victims of childhood sexual abuse, violent sexual assault, and domestic violence through it's various ministry efforts.
Go Fish Ministries
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Are You SAD?
(Sexually Abused Dependent)
©2002 Kimberly Hartfield
Sexual abuse of a child is any inappropriate exposing of a child to any sexual purpose by anyone who has influence on the child, without concern for the child’s well-being. Young children need to be aware of the difference between good and bad touching. Hugs and kisses are fine if you want them, but you never have to do everything an adult or another child tells you to do if they are trying to get you to do something that makes you feel “funny” or strange. You can and must say “no” to any touching or behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable; and you should tell a trusted adult as soon as possible if something like this happens to you.
You should never be forced or coerced against your will into sexual activities by anyone. When you say no, then your no should be respected. If you are abused or assaulted in any way, the abuser has committed a crime and should be turned over to the proper authorities (police). The first step in recovery is for the victim to understand that the abuser betrayed her and to tell the secret to a trusted adult. When victims keep the secret, it makes it possible for the abuser to repeat the crime against her or others. In order to stop the abusive behavior, victims must be willing to speak out and reveal the identity of their abusers to someone they trust in authority.
Children also need to understand that sexual abuse or assault is not always carried out by a stranger or by an adult. Sometimes family members, close friends of the family, step parents, babysitters, and other children close to the same age, can be sexually abusive. Sometimes it is those we should be able to trust the most who are abusive. Whether you are at home or at a spend-the-night, you should always be properly supervised to ensure safety. Never secretly go into a room alone with someone, or secretly go away from those who are responsible for you.
Sexual abuse is a violation of trust, especially when the abuser is known to you. Sometimes when children are sexually abused by someone they know, the abuse may happen more than once. Other times the abuse may occur only once, such as a sexual assault (rape). Sometimes it may happen to young girls while going out with someone (date rape). If you are being abused, you must tell someone you trust. You can go to a parent, teacher, doctor, pastor, youth director, Sunday School teacher, or any other adult that you trust. You should know as well that even though you can usually trust these people, sometimes even these adults, may be abusers. Just because someone is in a position of authority does not mean he or she can not be an abuser. If that is the case, then find someone else who will listen and believe what you are telling them.
Abused children often do not trust anyone, which stops them from telling anyone about the abuse, sometimes for several years. The secret nature of childhood sexual abuse or a violent sexual assault is often the very thing that helps the abuse or assaults continue. When anything is done in secret, children sometimes believe it is something they may get in trouble for, and so they instinctively keep the secret. They often experience guilt and shame where there should be none, believing it was something that they did, too. The victim almost always feels that “I’m different,” “Something’s wrong with me,” or that the abuse is somehow “my fault.” If you are a victim, please understand that the abuse may continue and you will likely never completely heal if you continue to keep the abuse secret.
Because sexually abused children sometimes feel they can’t tell any one, they often “forget” the abuse, withdrawing from a conscious awareness of it. The abuse may be vaguely remembered by the victim, but certain experiences may trigger very unplesant feelings and snapshot memories of the abusive situation. Sexual abuse is not something a child can face alone and be completely healthy mentally. Even if they have good parental, community, and spiritual resources, if they keep the abuse to themselves, then they may still have difficulty relating to others in a healthy way.
Telling the secret is the most important part of a victim’s healing process. The Bible tells us that the truth will set us free. Once the victim shares her story with someone she trusts, then that person can see to it that she gets help and that the abuser is not in a position to hurt others.
Responses to an account of childhood sexual abuse will vary depending on who the abuser is and who the victim tells. The hoped for response is one of understanding and support, but victims need to understand that this does not always occur. The shock sometimes causes people to respond in inappropriate ways. Some people simply may not believe your story if it is someone close to them. Even if they believe the abuse happened, some may tell the child to “keep the secret” if it is someone in or close to the family. Some responses will make light of the abuse as child’s play or sexual exploration if the abuser is not of adult age. Children who are exposed to pornography or sexual abuse themselves, often repeat the behaviors they see with other children. Another response is to blame the victim for being unacceptably dressed or behaving inappropriately. Victims should understand that it is not any fault of their own. If you are a victim and someone tells you not to tell anyone or tries to place blame on you, then keep going to someone else until somebody listens. Even if it has been several years, you should seek help in dealing with any issues you may still be facing. You should never stay in the abuse or remain in close contact with the abuser. Victims can find healing; but this usually happens only after several years in safe conditions.
Many victims display an outwardly happy-go-lucky character, while others display clear signals of distress. Those who know a victim should not assume that they are “over it”, just because the victim appears to be moving on with her life. Most victims feel sexual guilt, though they are not responsible for the actions of the abuser. With sexuality being an important part of the whole person, abuse or assault affects one’s total self-concept. The victim often develops upsetting emotions, beliefs, and conduct. The effects of sexual abuse or assault include low self-esteem, unexplained fear of certain people and places, anger, delinquent acting out, depression, suicidal behaviors, promiscuous sexual behavior, sexual disorders, substance or alcohol abuse, eating disorders, and difficulty in close relationships. These may accompany feelings of mistrust, indifference, and/or hatred. If you are a victim and you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you should seek help immediately.
If you are a sexually abused dependent of an abusive parent, step parent, or other relative, then you need to immediately seek help. You can contact any rape crisis center listed in your local telephone directory, or tell someone you trust to help get you out of the abusive situation. You may also contact Go Fish Ministries, as well, and we will try to get you the help that you need through referrals to appropriate sources. You may visit our website at ichthus.biz for further information or call 601-544-0500 to talk to someone who will refer you to appropriate persons or organizations.
Friday, October 03, 2003
An Open Letter to the Citizens of the State of MS and the USA,
It has been brought to the attention of Go Fish Ministries, an advocate for victims of childhood sexual abuse and violent sexual assault, that victims in the state of Mississippi over the age of 18 can no longer pursue legal recourse against their abusers. As it is commonly known by the psychological community, as well as the community at large, that victims of traumatic experiences such as childhood sexual abuse rarely disclose this kind of violence against them until they are emotionally stable enough to handle sharing of knowledge of the event, this law seems to us to be very victim unfriendly and pro child abusers. As victims are often over 18 years old when they disclose information about the abuse or confront their abusers, silencing the victims in this way, will only further the incidents of abuse by keeping known offenders in the public vicinity, as well as keeping their offenses from public knowledge. As citizens of the State of Mississippi and of the United States of America, victims of sexual violence and otherwise, must be able to protect our children from the abuses that we suffered. We must bring offenders at least to public scrutiny, if not to legal justice. As it seems that legal recourse is not available at this time for many victims in the state of MS, Go Fish Ministries will be taking other avenues to get information out to the public about offenders of childhood sexual abuse.
Some of the reasons a victim does not disclose abuse before adult age are fairly obvious to those acquainted with childhood sexual abuse, but it should be made known to the general public why victims keep silent about their abuse. The primary reason young victims do not disclose the abuse is that they fear being punished for something they believe they may have contributed to. Victims almost always experience some degree of self-blame and false-guilt. It is never the victim’s fault. When something such as childhood sexual abuse is done in secretiveness, the child instinctively believes it is something they will get in trouble for, therefore they often remain silent out of guilt and fear, even if there has been no threat by the offender. Often there has been a threat or an implied threat made to the victim if she discloses. Many times the abuser is a family member who has access to the child for a number of years and may have parental authority over the child as well. When this is the case, victims are usually not free to disclose the abusive situation, until they are out of that particular environment, for fear of familial upset or retaliation. Other times the victim has experienced tremendous shock from the abuse and in psychologically dealing with it, the child pushes it out of conscious awareness for a number of years. Until some event triggers those memories back into the general awareness, then the abuse is kept hidden in her subconscious mind. That is not to say, that victims may not be male, but the majority of victims at this time, seems to be female, though there are male victims as well. This process forgetting and remembering often takes a number of years, and sometimes psychological therapy to uncover the abuse, though some hypnotic forms of this kind of therapy have been questioned in the past. Most often the memories of abuse come back naturally, on their own, as some life event precipitates the return of related memories, while forcing the adult/child to mentally deal with the issue of her abuse.
In light of this knowledge, why the governmental agencies of the state of Mississippi, ever passed a law restricting the legal recourse of victims of childhood sexual abuse, while protecting child abusers from public chastisement, imprisonment and/and or fines, can not be ascertained by the founders of Go Fish Ministries. But as our elected officials seem to think themselves wiser than those who have been victimized, we must currently abide by that law. But Go Fish Ministries will not sit idly by and let abusers keep on abusing other victims, while counting on their victim’s silence to enable them to continue their crimes against children. We will be publishing on one of our websites, the names of known offenders and their accusers, the type of offense (abuse or assault), whether or not the offender has ever been convicted or indicted, along with the general area of the offense, and whether or not the offender has abused multiple victims or a single victim, so that people in that vicinity may have the knowledge to protect their children from sexual intrusion by these perpetrators.
The victim must be willing to disclose her name, which will be posted along with the accusation of the offender, while acknowledging that Go Fish Ministries will take no responsibility for false information given to us leading to the posting of the names. The victim, along with at least one witness, must take the responsibility for the accusation of the offender and the disclosure of that offender’s name. For protection of the victim, it is recommended that she has at least one other person who can verify that the abusive event took place, i.e. someone that the abuse was disclosed to earlier, or another victim of the same offender. If the victim is under the age of 18, only her legal guardian witness will be disclosed on publication of the accusation. Both the accuser and the witness must sign a statement of accusation with the appropriate information and a release of Go Fish Ministries for any responsibility to that accusation and mail it along with any supporting medical or legal documents to Go Fish Ministries. The victim, along with the witness, are solely responsible for the accusation made. Go Fish Ministries takes absolutely no responsibility for the accusations put forth by the purporting victims.
Statement of Accusation and Release of Go Fish Ministries
Important: Please read entire document before signing below! Both the accuser and the witness must sign this statement of accusation with the appropriate information and a release of Go Fish Ministries for any responsibility to that accusation and mail it along with any supporting medical or legal documents (proof of age and identity, medical conditions or legal documents related to the abuse or assault) to Go Fish Ministries 76 Mims Road, Hattiesburg, MS, 39401. The victim, along with the witness are solely responsible for the accusation made. Go Fish Ministries takes absolutely no responsibility for the accusations put forth by the purporting victims. Victims under the age of 18, must have a witnessing signature of a legal guardian. The name of victims under age 18 will be undisclosed on publication, while the legal guardian and witness will be disclosed. Any accused person, known to be under age 18 by the victim and witness, should not be disclosed until such time as he/she is 18 years of age.
Example:
Name of Offender-John Doe
Accuser/
Witness-Minor Victim Undisclosed/Jane Doe Witness
Type of offense/
abuse or assault-Childhood Sexual Abuse- Multiple offenses
Convicted or Indicted-Indicted on charges against self/other victims
Area of Offense-Anytown, Any State
Multiple Victim/
Single Victim-Single Known Victim
Name of Offender and age if known
Accuser/
Witness and ages
Type of offense/
abuse or assault
Convicted or Indicted
Area of Offense
Multiple Victim/
Single Victim
I _______________________________________________, a victim of a sexual crime, do hereby, in the witness of God and man, swear under oath and penalty of perjury, that ____________________________________________________committed the crime of ____________________________________________________(sexual assault, abuse, etc.) against me and that he/she is solely responsible for the abuses perpetrated against me. I disclose this information with the understanding that it will be published on one or more of the Go Fish Ministries websites and/or other publications. I understand that I, the victim, along with the witness, who attests to the truth of the accusation, are solely responsible for the accusation made. I also understand that Go Fish Ministries takes absolutely no responsibility for the accusations put forth by me and my witnessing party. I further understand that by signing this form, I and my witness are hereby completely and irrevocably releasing Go Fish Ministries of any responsibility for damages, either incidental, consequential, or otherwise, resulting from the disclosure of information regarding this accusation and/or the resulting publication thereof.
Victim’s Signature ________________________________________________________
Victim’s Signature ________________________________________________________
Witness to the Truth of the Accusation ________________________________________
List of Accused Perpetrators of Sexual Crimes
Name of Offender-Ricky Dean Smith
Accuser/
Witness-Kimberly Hartfield
Type of offense/
abuse or assault-Childhood Sexual Abuse- Multiple offenses
Convicted or Indicted-Indicted on charges against other victims
Area of Offense-Hattiesburg, Petal, Mississippi
Multiple Victim/
Single Victim-Multiple Known Victims
Statement of Accusation and Release of Go Fish Ministries
Important: Please read entire document before signing below! Both the accuser and the witness must sign this statement of accusation with the appropriate information and a release of Go Fish Ministries for any responsibility to that accusation and mail it along with any supporting medical or legal documents (proof of age and identity, medical conditions or legal documents related to the abuse or assault) to Go Fish Ministries 76 Mims Road, Hattiesburg, MS, 39401. The victim, along with the witness are solely responsible for the accusation made. Go Fish Ministries takes absolutely no responsibility for the accusations put forth by the purporting victims. Victims under the age of 18, must have a witnessing signature of a legal guardian. The name of victims under age 18 will be undisclosed on publication, while the legal guardian and witness will be disclosed. Any accused person, known to be under age 18 by the victim and witness, should not be disclosed until such time as he/she is 18 years of age.
Example:
Name of Offender
John Doe Accuser/
Witness
Minor Victim Undisclosed/Jane Doe Witness Type of offense/
abuse or assault
Childhood Sexual Abuse- Multiple offenses Convicted or Indicted
Indicted on charges against self/other victims Area of Offense
Anytown, Any State Multiple Victim/
Single Victim
Single Known Victim
Name of Offender and age if known
Accuser/
Witness and ages
Type of offense/
abuse or assault
Convicted or Indicted
Area of Offense
Multiple Victim/
Single Victim
I _______________________________________________, a victim of a sexual crime, do hereby, in the witness of God and man, swear under oath and penalty of perjury, that ____________________________________________________committed the crime of ____________________________________________________(sexual assault, abuse, etc.) against me and that he/she is solely responsible for the abuses perpetrated against me. I disclose this information with the understanding that it will be published on one or more of the Go Fish Ministries websites and/or other publications. I understand that I, the victim, along with the witness, who attests to the truth of the accusation, are solely responsible for the truth of the accusation made. I also understand that Go Fish Ministries takes absolutely no responsibility for the accusations put forth by me and my witnessing party. I further understand that by signing this form, I and my witness are hereby completely and irrevocably releasing Go Fish Ministries of any responsibility for damages, either incidental, consequential, or otherwise, resulting from the disclosure of information, whether true or false, regarding this accusation and/or the resulting publication thereof.
Victim’s Signature ________________________________________________________
Victim’s Signature ________________________________________________________
Witness to the Truth of the Accusation ________________________________________
